of the men in my life

i’m back from bangkok! was a great trip! but will share in another post when pictures are ready…

 

this post is dedicated to my daddy.. heh…

 

1 year ago, we went to bright hill to pray to my mum during the qing ming period. we didn’t know how to pray at bright hill as the set-up was very different from san qing gong, so we merely went there to take a look at my mum’s ashes and talk to her. daddy saw many people bringing lots of vegetarian food to pray to their loved ones. and he said, next year we shall pray lots of goodies to mum.

 

fast forward to today: i was still in my sweet dreams this morning when daddy knocked on my door loudly. it was time to pray to my mum again. i woke up and the first thing daddy said to me was: “let’s just go san qing gong and not bright hill this year.” ok, fine… then i asked him, wat food are we buying? daddy said: “no need lar, just buy incense can le”. oh my… at least buy some chicken rice or something… who was the one who said we should pray with better goodies this year?

anyway, we bought chicken rice. and i had to convince daddy to buy more incense. later on when i chatted with daddy, i reminded him about his promise last year. apparently he got confused between qing ming and the death anniversary. oh well…

 

sorry mummy… you know how absent minded daddy is. at least we sent you lots of gold bars and cash, ya? loving you, as always…

 

and my absent-minded daddy lost his handphone 3 weeks ago. that was like his 3 loss in 3 years? so anyway today i made a trip down to starhub centre to buy a new phone for him. daddy has a special request – he wants either a N82 or N95. i dislike nokia phones, so i really dunno much about them. i asked the sales person about the prices and functionalities of the two phones and called my dad to ask him which one he wants.

N82 costs $268. N95 costs $488. according to the salesperson, N82 has only 2gb storage BUT is newer and faster. N95 has 8gb storage but is older and the OS is slower. i repeated all these to my dad and let him choose.

K: which model do you want?

D: any thing lor.

K: N82 is newer and faster leh.

D: you choose lor. you willing to spend so much money or not?

K: money is not an issue. but N82 is cheaper, newer and faster, why not get this?

D: let’s buy N95.

argh! daddy… if you already made your mind on N95, just say so lor. hahaha… so i bought the phone and my daddy was so happy.

 

so yeah, that’s daddy, one of the 2 important men in my life.

 

another important men in my life (in no order of importance!) – my dearest.

dearest said he will be busy today. so i thought i wouldn’t be seeing him. but he went to starhub centre to fetch me! so sweet right? and he brought along a driver and security! hahaha… joking only… his friends were with him, and dearest asked one of them to drive his car.

dearest and i chatted about friends and stuff tonight over kfc. just a simple like-any-other-day dinner but i enjoyed it very much, cos i felt i learnt more about what dearest think and how he feels. it always warm my heart when we talk more than usual about everything – friends, work, us, etc.

it’s a great start to the week!

of motivation & …

i used to be a person full of dreads. i would wake up in the morning and think “oh no, another boring day”, “sigh, another assignment to work on”, “gosh, life sucks” etc etc. then i would be moody for the whole day and put on my “go away”, “leave me alone” face.

back then, life is meaningless. i was really quite pessimistic.

corny as it sounds, life slowly changed when i met dearest. you can’t deny that the spark of new love brings excitement and hope to your life. of cos i didn’t change overnight – there were still little things that set me back. i still fret about being alone at times, still complain about things. but as the weeks turns into months, my perspectives changed. i learnt to find joy in little things, learnt to look forward to silly enjoyable things that will happen in the next hour or so.

for example, i will wake up unwillingly, but encourage myself by looking forward to stealing some sleep on the bus journey to work. or i will be stressed about work but motivate myself by thinking about the gossip session during lunch later. these little things keep me going, hour by hour, day by day…. year by year.

it has worked perfectly, until recently again.

not sure what is the reason. work perhaps? why is it no longer fun to work? the past 2 weeks were really tough for me. work is piling up – progress on projects were slow. close colleagues are leaving and the workplace is becoming less cosy. time is never enough, to be shared between work and dearest, leaving little time for myself, daddy & doggies. in the morning i assume my fm role, in the night i assume my gf role. there were less time for favorite past times and tension builds up. thankfully dearest has been patient and forgiving towards my changing tempers.

i have not been sleeping well. because i have so little time for myself, i squeeze every min doing the things that i love. i spend too much time online, catching up on my favorite forums, one of my joys. and then i feel tired the next day due to lack of sleep. i have 2 presentations to prepare this week and i totally dread them. don’t ask me why. i also worry about dearest’s coming exam and wish for him to do his best.

and guess what? 1 of the presentation is over today – it was well and boss even said thanks and complimented on the good work. and dearest’s exam will be over tomorrow. and i’ll be heading to a sing song session tomorow evening. and best of all…. dearest is bringing me to bangkok on fri!

hopefully all these will cheer me up and bring some energy back into my life.

dearest, these few weeks were tough for you as well. forgive me for showing signs of irritation at times. pls understand that they are not directed at you – that i merely needed some avenues to vent some frustrations. sems like the tough times will be over tommorow. let’s switch back to our relax mode and enjoy 100% this weekend. i’m sure this getaway will bring us even closer! and when we are back, i will revert back to the same me you have loved all these years.

i want my life back!!! it’s painful to be full of dreads!

bangkok, here we come!!!

sneak preview of the 5 star hotel

more than 4 years ago

i have a blog in friendster which is never updated, so there is nothing worth importing over to petit|hippo, except for this. because she is important to me and the memories should live forever.

so here goes, word for word: 

Originally posted on 4th Jan 2007 

Finally, I decided to update my photos in friendster.

And I chanced upon the long forgotten (and rare!) photos of my parents.

The weirdest feelings rushed through me. I can’t put them in words; my heart just keeps beating faster. I looked through the few photos, all taken more than 4 years ago. And I smiled… The heart beats faster and faster. I clicked on the close button at the top-right corner of the screen. I’m afraid that if I keep looking, the panic attacks might come back again.

Decided to post up this photo of my parents.

That’s my mum who was ever cheerful and loud. That’s my mum who spent her days at a coffeeshop with her many kakis gossipping away. That’s my mum who loved me but never told me.

8 years ago, illness struck mum and changed her. She lost all her cheerfulness and freedom. For half a year, her home was the hospital. And later on, when she came back to our home sweet home, she was confined to the wheelchair/bed/sofa. Her mode of transportation during the occasional times when she left the house was an ambulance and the destination was always the hospital. When her mum, my grandmother passed away, she could only mourn for her at home, crying her heart out. When her husband, my dad needed an emergency surgery, she could only worry at home. Sometimes she threw tantrums. Sometimes she cried. Sometimes she nagged. Yet many times, she laughed, just like a 7 year old little girl.

2 years ago, dad and I sent mum to a hospice. NO! We were not cruel. We loved her very much. Her condition worsened and every couple of days, she had to be sent to the A&E for difficulty in breathing. After much deliberation, all 3 of us chose “conservative management”. We had no choice.

On 8th Oct 2004, mum left us for good. After 6 long years of suffering, she was on her way to a better life in another world. Mum never left any last words. I never told her how much I loved her.

Mum, if you still remember me now, I want you to know that I do miss you badly. If there is a next life, let me have the chance to be your child again. I want to have the chance to do my part as your child and be filial to you again. For all that you have missed out on in this lifetime, I want to give it all to you in your next life.

Mum, time passes and life goes on. But 24 years of memories of you will always be kept deep in my heart. I never told you, but I Love You. I always did and I always will.

of little kisses & affection…

it’s a non-eventful sunday. dearest went studying with his frens and i had the luxury of time to meddle with my lappy, organising songs & videos.

in the late afternoon, i went to parkway to meet dearest and did some errands with him, selling off his old nokia and changing thai baht for our bkk trip.

nothing exciting to be blogging about actually – except that dearest & i stole several little kisses when we turn into back-alleys. it felt a little unexpected, yet so familiar, so comfortable…

later on, we went to lagoon for dinner. waited a long time for a parking lot and while i stuck out my head to get a better view of potential lots, a guy drove past: “miss, for you”. stranger handled me 2 parking coupons – for 2 hours! i was quite taken aback but luckily reacted fast enuff to say thanks.

but, we already tore an 1 hour coupon. in the end, we gave ours to another stranger. dearest walked around the carpark and decided to give to a fellow jazz driver. haha…

after dinner dearest drove me back home. at my carpark, we stole sweet kisses again. it was sweet indeed, as we exchanged our sweets… haha…

there… a non-eventful sunday – but peppered with little affections all the same. content.

when firsts brings loving words

i have always wanted to start a blog. and i always hesitated.

because i couldn’t think of a creative theme.

because i worry about my boring language.

because i’m not sure whether i should write about happy or sad things. about complains or praises.

because i am afraid that my dearest will not like what i write.

finally, i did it. and even used the name which dearest & i came up with together as the blog name.

 

and guess what?

yesterday dearest saw petit|hippo for the first time.

and he said he like it. said i write well (??). both which pleased me tremendously.

he asked: dearest refers to me? i said: of cos!

 

today, he mentioned about the blog again. and said:

“reading it makes me fall in love with you all over again”

awwwww… my heart simply melted…

 

dearest and me started together on 14 august 2002. it’s been more than 5.5 years. we have had many happy times together, loving and taking care of each other, discovering each other, learning new things together. there are the usual ups & downs, little bickering, disappointments as well. but we are going strong. no doubt the excitement has tamed a little over the years, slowly turning into familiarity and comfort, like that of a family. which is why his words today meant the world to me.

dearest is one who is not stingy with his expressions of love to me. he doesn’t fail to tell me that he loves me or misses me or cares for me… but still, hearing those little words from him brought back all those innocent-sweet-loving feelings again.

 

“dearest, what you said this morning makes me fall in love with you all over again too…”

of pork chop & …

i’m on leave today! and the agenda of the day is to study with dearest…

tomorrow is dearest’s econs exams and we studied from 11 plus am to 8 plus pm! practically non-stop… except for a short nap on his lap (hmm… it rhymes!) in the afternoon.

after the long day, we were deciding between miss u cafe & big eater for our dining place and we decided on foo house instead.

so i heard about its nice stewed duck & pork chop with cheese. but they ran out of duck, and i wasn’t so keen on cheesy fillings, so i ordered another variation of pork chop – hainanese pork chop (or so i thought).

when they served this, i got a shock

haha… silly me…

anyway, dearest ordered the hainanese mutton stew and he said it was nice

so, yeah… we had chinese food in a western restaurant…

with our favorite erdinger

wasn’t a satisfying dinner at all!

 

anyway, dearest is still mugging for the exam. hope he does well tomorrow…

there’s a first to everything

and this is my first real blog post! yippee….

i’m really a procrastinator… let me tell you why: i signed up for this blog on 13 Feb, wanting to get it up and running in time for valentine’s day.

obviously it didn’t happen according to plan. the enthusiasm was still there but i just didn’t know where to begin.

then i started taking pictures for the blog – little pictures of lovely eateries and food… but i simply filed them away.

and then i had to get a virus thru msn! which basically cut off all my ties with the outside world – no internet! guess what i did in reaction to that? i bought this lovely white lappy… hahaha

so my lappy was born on 8 Mar and i continued to find excuses not to start this blog…

 

until today…

thanks to dearest – who granted me an off day from my duty as an intensive study companion.