i have a blog in friendster which is never updated, so there is nothing worth importing over to petit|hippo, except for this. because she is important to me and the memories should live forever.
so here goes, word for word:
Originally posted on 4th Jan 2007
Finally, I decided to update my photos in friendster.
And I chanced upon the long forgotten (and rare!) photos of my parents.
The weirdest feelings rushed through me. I can’t put them in words; my heart just keeps beating faster. I looked through the few photos, all taken more than 4 years ago. And I smiled… The heart beats faster and faster. I clicked on the close button at the top-right corner of the screen. I’m afraid that if I keep looking, the panic attacks might come back again.
Decided to post up this photo of my parents.
That’s my mum who was ever cheerful and loud. That’s my mum who spent her days at a coffeeshop with her many kakis gossipping away. That’s my mum who loved me but never told me.
8 years ago, illness struck mum and changed her. She lost all her cheerfulness and freedom. For half a year, her home was the hospital. And later on, when she came back to our home sweet home, she was confined to the wheelchair/bed/sofa. Her mode of transportation during the occasional times when she left the house was an ambulance and the destination was always the hospital. When her mum, my grandmother passed away, she could only mourn for her at home, crying her heart out. When her husband, my dad needed an emergency surgery, she could only worry at home. Sometimes she threw tantrums. Sometimes she cried. Sometimes she nagged. Yet many times, she laughed, just like a 7 year old little girl.
2 years ago, dad and I sent mum to a hospice. NO! We were not cruel. We loved her very much. Her condition worsened and every couple of days, she had to be sent to the A&E for difficulty in breathing. After much deliberation, all 3 of us chose “conservative management”. We had no choice.
On 8th Oct 2004, mum left us for good. After 6 long years of suffering, she was on her way to a better life in another world. Mum never left any last words. I never told her how much I loved her.
Mum, if you still remember me now, I want you to know that I do miss you badly. If there is a next life, let me have the chance to be your child again. I want to have the chance to do my part as your child and be filial to you again. For all that you have missed out on in this lifetime, I want to give it all to you in your next life.
Mum, time passes and life goes on. But 24 years of memories of you will always be kept deep in my heart. I never told you, but I Love You. I always did and I always will.
