i used to be a person full of dreads. i would wake up in the morning and think “oh no, another boring day”, “sigh, another assignment to work on”, “gosh, life sucks” etc etc. then i would be moody for the whole day and put on my “go away”, “leave me alone” face.
back then, life is meaningless. i was really quite pessimistic.
corny as it sounds, life slowly changed when i met dearest. you can’t deny that the spark of new love brings excitement and hope to your life. of cos i didn’t change overnight – there were still little things that set me back. i still fret about being alone at times, still complain about things. but as the weeks turns into months, my perspectives changed. i learnt to find joy in little things, learnt to look forward to silly enjoyable things that will happen in the next hour or so.
for example, i will wake up unwillingly, but encourage myself by looking forward to stealing some sleep on the bus journey to work. or i will be stressed about work but motivate myself by thinking about the gossip session during lunch later. these little things keep me going, hour by hour, day by day…. year by year.
it has worked perfectly, until recently again.
not sure what is the reason. work perhaps? why is it no longer fun to work? the past 2 weeks were really tough for me. work is piling up – progress on projects were slow. close colleagues are leaving and the workplace is becoming less cosy. time is never enough, to be shared between work and dearest, leaving little time for myself, daddy & doggies. in the morning i assume my fm role, in the night i assume my gf role. there were less time for favorite past times and tension builds up. thankfully dearest has been patient and forgiving towards my changing tempers.
i have not been sleeping well. because i have so little time for myself, i squeeze every min doing the things that i love. i spend too much time online, catching up on my favorite forums, one of my joys. and then i feel tired the next day due to lack of sleep. i have 2 presentations to prepare this week and i totally dread them. don’t ask me why. i also worry about dearest’s coming exam and wish for him to do his best.
and guess what? 1 of the presentation is over today – it was well and boss even said thanks and complimented on the good work. and dearest’s exam will be over tomorrow. and i’ll be heading to a sing song session tomorow evening. and best of all…. dearest is bringing me to bangkok on fri!
hopefully all these will cheer me up and bring some energy back into my life.
dearest, these few weeks were tough for you as well. forgive me for showing signs of irritation at times. pls understand that they are not directed at you – that i merely needed some avenues to vent some frustrations. sems like the tough times will be over tommorow. let’s switch back to our relax mode and enjoy 100% this weekend. i’m sure this getaway will bring us even closer! and when we are back, i will revert back to the same me you have loved all these years.
i want my life back!!! it’s painful to be full of dreads!
bangkok, here we come!!!
sneak preview of the 5 star hotel
