as mentioned in one of my earlier posts, i bought sheena this book:
The Surrendered Wife – A Practical Guide For Finding Intimacy, Peace & Passion With A Man
by Laura Doyle
in this day and age, where countless women scream for gender equality, i’m pretty sure the title of this book brings a lot of scorns from many ladies.
not from me though, because i am never a feminist. i believe that there are many things that women can do as well as men. in fact, in some areas, women outshine men. but i strongly feel that both men and women have certain roles to play in life and many of these roles are different. in this sense, men and women will never be equal. frankly speakly, i will never want to be an equal with my husband! why? because i prefer to be a 小女人 and be taken care of by my husband.
does being a 小女人 means that one loses her own self, her identity? not necessarily so. and this book teaches all ladies out there, regardless whether you and your man are dating or married, to control your partner less because controlling men is often the cause of the start of resentment. and when little resentment builds up over time, the relationship cracks and breaks.
i think us girls are often guilty of controlling our men. now and then we say to them: “why did you do this? you should have done it that way!” or “i told you so! you didn’t believe me.” or “that was a lousy decision!”. it’s fine if we do it once or twice. it’s fine if we do it with a joking tone. but if we go overboard with such comments, men can react very negatively. put it this way, if the men did that to us frequently, we will be feeling resentful as well.
so what should we do? just keep quiet and allow the men to do whatever they want, even if the things they are doing is wrong? just be a plain bimbo?
nah, this book teaches us ladies to control the men less, criticise the men less and talk to them in a nice tone. you can still put your point across to them, but in a less hurtful or harmful way. at the end of the day, there will be less quarrels, and men will be more appreciative of the women who have been supporting them in their actions and decisions.
it’s a win-win situation, don’t you think?
again, this is not a book that degrades women to be slaves or mindless souls. this book simply captures the fact that most men have certain egos, and if we continue to crush their ego, the relationship will never work out. this book reminds us that once we ’surrender’ some of the control to men, the relationship will move to the next stage.
phyllis introduced this book to me like more than 5 years ago? frankly speaking, i never finished reading the book. but that is simply due to plain laziness on my part. even so, whatever i have read left a very deep impression on me. i don’t deny that i have not been conciously practising what the book teaches but when the going gets tough, i do remind myself that i should take a step back and be more ’surrendered’. when i got closer with sheena, i felt she needed the book. not that she has any issues in her relationship but knowing how much she loves jackson, i’m pretty sure that the good stuff in this book will enlighten her and bring their relationship even further. so far, i think it is working. yeah!
due to the horrible sounding title, i think this book is only for ladies who really love their other half. i doubt if a girl who has any resentment for her boyfriend/husband will connect with the book at all.
i love my man. so i think i should go pick up this book for myself soon!
(hahaha… actually it is just an excuse to shop and spend money again!)
and oh yes, after so much hard-sell, all of you girls must go get the book ok!
and men, pls… you are prohibited from reading this. give us girls a chance to do our part to improve the relationship. don’t spoil it for us by reading it yourself!
the surrendered wife can be found in major bookstores. i have seen copies in popular, borders and kinokuniya. a preview of the book can be found here. tell me what you think after reading!
