met up with jackie and jaslyn earlier tonight. pre-birthday celebration for jackie.
had a loooonng dinner at ding tai feng. didn’t eat much though cos we were like busy talking, catching up on our lives, what’s with our common friends and blah blah blah… the usual things that we chat about when we meet once every 3 months (hahaha)
jaslyn asks me: so when are you getting married?
me: *shrugs*
i joked about me searching for the diamond ring within the flowers which dearest sent, and about how dearest commented on when am i going to propose to him.
then i re-directed the question to jackie instead. she says not so soon, maybe a year later.
and jaslyn shared the good news that christin is getting married next year.
i know i am happy for christin. absolutely.
but i also felt…. hmm… wistful. yup. the best word to describe: wistful.
wistful – full of longing or unfulfilled desire
but i brushed it aside.
back at home, i was on msn.
my cousin shared with me that he had just proposed to his girlfriend.
damn. double wistfulness.
i’m quite close to this cousin. and i wish him all the happiness in the world.
i am truly happy for him.
but oh, why must the news come during such times when i am feeling kinda lost?
cousin hasn’t decided when to get married. cos he need to sort out his finances first.
he says maybe it will be 2 years later before they can marry.
yet he has proposed now.
i really hate to say this but…. so what is my dearest waiting for???
sigh…
i’m struggling with myself whether to put up this entry eventually because i really do not wish to give pressure to dearest. but, where else can i release my inner thoughts? i used to be really vocal and can share my feelings with many friends. now i no longer do that. even if i have things troubling me, i find it hard to share with friends. no particular reason why but it just happens. so i guess this goes up into virtual space.
i think i sound like i am desperate. which is really not healthy.
but keeping these feelings to myself aren’t healthy either, no?
nope, i think i should not allow myself to indulge in such wistful thoughts.
if i look at things from another point of view, phyllis and bf has dated for 11 years, and she has not been proposed to either.
but dearest no, it does not mean that i will wait for you for 11 years ok?
6 is your favorite number isn’t it? let’s keep the dating years to 6? nice number? hahahaha…
ok… the purpose of this is not to create pressure. i just needed to ‘voice’ out, that’s all.
who can i blame, when i choose to fall deeply in love with dearest who is younger?
just have to wait lor…
*waiting*
等~等~等等，等~等~等等，等~等~等等~等~等等~等~等等。。。
wahahahahaha….
不要让我等太久哦！
hey gal…dun despair k…i’m sure the time will come very soon…give him some time.. =) must always haf hope.. =)
& u noe u’ll always haf ur frens behind u.. =)
i’ll still be prepared to be ur jie mei… anytime.. =)
Comment by jaslyn — 23 August 2008 @ 3:48 pm
to jaslyn: thanks my dear. what you said almost brought tears to my eyes.
we’ve been buddies for sooo long, sometimes we forget how close we are.
but deep in my heart, i know you will always be supportive!
maybe you will be my jie mei with a huge belly! hahaha…
Comment by kerensa — 23 August 2008 @ 7:40 pm
I still remember how we used to talk about wanting to be homemakers and be loving wives to our men. Take heart that no matter when it happens, it WILL happen!
p/s You guys are one of the sweetest couples I know!
Comment by yulingxpress — 23 August 2008 @ 9:48 pm
to yuling: you remember! precisely – it was our dream to have a cosy family while we are young, and everyone around me are either getting married or happily married, with or without cute babies. and me? boohoo…
haha… i know… i will learn to be patient. though sometimes emotions get the better of me…
Comment by kerensa — 23 August 2008 @ 10:30 pm
this wait is def worth it. =)
SMILEX!!
Comment by Sheena — 25 August 2008 @ 10:28 am
Wat u experienced is only normal..I myself and some other gfs same age as us often wonder why everyone ard us is getting marrried but us. And I totally understd that ‘wistful’ feeling. Its normal. Dun blame urself cos we r purely humans. I recalled there was a time when I felt ‘ready’ for YJ to propose to me and everyday I wonder why he’s not doing it or when he is going to pop the question. Inside my heart I was thinking ” Wat r u waiting for? I’m ready liao. Quick! b4 i change my mind again!” To illustrate how eager I was, I’ve already drawn out the guest list and selected photos that is suppose to go into that video clip thingy. Haha. OPps. Secret exposed. That’s how much I wanted to get married. But then again, if we noe when he is goin to propose, then there will b no element of surprise liao. Guys r guys, they tend to think more, I feel. We women can live on love alone. But they hv 1001 things to consider. Maybe he’s brainstorming and collecting ideas for a perfect proposal? In the meanwhile, we can still bitch to each other!!
Comment by Jackie — 27 August 2008 @ 11:53 am
to jackie..u wan that pic of u in sec sch, w that ’super nice’ pose? I can contribute =)hee hee
to kerensa.. all ur gal frens are behind u…so if u feel tired, just sit back, and let us support u…then u’ll haf ur energy to continue with the ‘wait’…. =)
Comment by jaslyn — 27 August 2008 @ 3:49 pm
to all my dearest frens: i feel truly blessed to have your well wishes and encouragements. thank you all. from the bottom of my heart.
to jackie: oh my, your assurance really helps! thanks for sharing what you have gone through. you know very well that your beau wants to marry you. i’m thinking that he wants to give you more time to prepare yourself. now i’m pretty sure i’ll get to be your jie mei first! =)
i guess it helped that i transferred my thoughts of wistfulness into words here because now i can remind myself that i have expressed my inner thoughts, and should really sit back and not think about it anymore, and enjoy the loving journey instead.
to jaslyn: i remember that pic! jackie’s trademark! with curly hair. hahaha… nice! must include! can i say i love you? for promising to provide support when my energy runs out. that is so sweet of you…
Comment by kerensa — 27 August 2008 @ 10:59 pm
by the moon & the stars in the night…adding on the universe and the planets…remember =)
Comment by jaslyn — 28 August 2008 @ 10:21 am
to jaslyn: damn! you beat me to it! i had wanted to post that stars and moon thing. but was too tired last night. wait and see… will do it soon sometime! hee…
Comment by kerensa — 28 August 2008 @ 10:38 am
It’s worth to wait. The day will come soon….
Comment by loner — 28 August 2008 @ 10:14 pm
to loner: thanks for the kind words. are you a friend? long-lost one perhaps? =)
Comment by kerensa — 28 August 2008 @ 10:56 pm
wah lao.. wat beautiful picture u girls toking abt…*can’t recall..but no need to post it here either *LOL*
Comment by Jackie — 30 August 2008 @ 3:10 am