i have a zillion things to do. but i absolutely need to rant. or else i will go crazy be depressed.
work and deadlines are driving me crazy. and my emotions are starting to go haywire.
i dunno why i have become like this. in the past, work never frazzled me. i have lots of stamina and i could go on and on and on. going home at 11pm and starting work at 8am the next day consecutively for several days merely brings about casual complaints from me but i do not lose my motivation.
but now? i start work at 9am, leave work at 6pm. and i don’t even have to do all the boring technical work myself. but i feel… lousy. totally drained of energy.
can anyone tell me why i am feeling all these?
to make things worse, on and off colleagues just piss the hell out of me. is it them, or is it just me?
i used to daydream about quitting and taking time to ‘find myself’, to retreat and just do nothing for a while. my finances can surely allow me to do that for quite a period of time. but being the practical me, i know i will only dream about it and will never action on it.
now, with the economy turning into recession, i wouldn’t even think about quitting, let alone dreaming about it. yet… the motivation to strive further just isn’t there.
i desperately need something to perk me up. problem is, what is it?
i come home and have things to complete. but i become sleepy and had to sleep early. even going out after work isn’t that enticing anymore. i just feel like sleeping away. where have my energy levels disappeared to?
when i think all of these, i am upset at myself. for being so hopeless, for thinking so negatively. and then i think even more negatively, and then my mood changes, and then dearest will have to tolerate me and try to cheer me up. it’s not good for me, not fair to dearest, and very bad for the relationship. oh my…. can i get out of this?
actually, it’s not even as bad as it sounds here, but the negativity is making me exaggerate things. i dun have the answer as to why.
my only guess is… i’m burnt out? from what? i dunno.
well, the consolation is that dearest has always been there, loving and patient. so i should be thankful, yeah?
i just want to weekends to come quickly, and never go away… is that too much to ask for? i guess i know the answer.
ok, back to work.
Hey.. Take care ya. Maybe ask BF to pei2 you more during this period of time? Always remember you are in a better situation than me cos you 2 can meet like anytime.. but for me.. i’m 6000 miles away from my wife..
Comment by Kah Yong — 15 October 2008 @ 7:39 pm
this stupid intranet in paris…i typed a really long reply. Its gone..now gotto retype.
was saying tt u r nt alone. this decrease in energy level could be due to age. i find tt regular exercise increases my stamina, reduce PMS and up happy hormones level. dun giv up regular exercise, though i noe ur wkends r precious!!
Doin the same old shit for the last 4 yrs is wearing me out mentally. I can only say dat its not for me, or dat its enuf n time for me to leave. of cos i’ll miss some of the perks of the job. Given the turmoil financial mkt now, i would nt advise u to quit, but mayb try to make it up by finding somethg u really want to do, or go that somewhere u always want to go. can be somethg small like go for the cooking class tt u always wanted to go etc. giv urself a treat, if nt, life will seem so obligatory when u dun do anythg for urself. Be nice to urself too!!
there was a period of time i felt constant lethargy. A fren advise me on a blood test, though i hv yet to go for one. i noe u do hv regular health checks. maybe u r just lack of some vit or minerals. if all is well, at least u get a peace of mind.
I still feel u r a workaholic. Do make time for urself, even if it means just lazing at home and doin nothing. i tink u feel sian cos u r always doin things for others instead of for urself.
Comment by Jackie — 18 October 2008 @ 7:37 pm
to kah yong, thanks… things are better now. and anytime better than you, i know. will bear that in mind when things get tough. you take care too!
to jackie:
hey, i truly appreciate your encouragement. yea, i guess it’s age catching up. and that it’s so hard to ‘confide’ in friends now, no matter how close, so the feelings get a little pent-up easier than before. but being able to pour out my woes in this cyberspace, and have you loving friends drop a note of concern, is helping me a lot. thanks again.
i think i just need a new excitement in life soon… like marriage? hahahaha… joking… guess maybe more frequent meet ups with you girls will be good enough for now.. hehe…
Comment by kerensa — 19 October 2008 @ 4:34 pm
hey gal…definitely, always remember that u are not the only one with this feeling k. Think it is just a cycle. It has to come sometime, and it will definitely pass….
I also had the same feeling sometime back, when i was still in my previous job…think its jaded…
maybe u can take a few days leave to really relax.
Recharging is definitely very impt, coz we still haf a long way to go.. =)
Gumbutteh!!!
Comment by jaslyn14 — 19 October 2008 @ 7:18 pm
thanks jaslyn. problem is, this cycle repeats itself too quickly! i think i have a chronic illness called ‘dread’. bleh.
but i’m glad you are back! then i have a loyal reader! haha… if not no one reads my blog frequently one… boohoo…
Comment by kerensa — 19 October 2008 @ 8:46 pm
haha….then u haf to write all ur symptoms of ur illness ‘dread’ out more frequently….think that’s one of the cure as well =)
no worries…i will def read…no matter how ‘dreadful’ it will be..hoho
Comment by jaslyn — 20 October 2008 @ 9:44 am
haha, if i list all the symptoms down, it will be a never-ending list of complaints! like tat i very naggy leh.. haha…
Comment by kerensa — 20 October 2008 @ 10:43 am
nvm nvm…it’s woman’s special priviledge to be naggy, esp on ur own blog… =)
Comment by jaslyn — 20 October 2008 @ 11:32 am